Letter to Emmett C Burns Jr.


Letter to Emmett C Burns Jr.
by Chris Kluwe
Posted to Deadspin Sept 7, 2012

He later posted a cleaned up version at the Pioneer Press. CNN covered the exchange here.

Below is the original explicit version

Chris Kluwe is a punter for the Vikings. Follow him on Twitter, @ChrisWarcraft.

Baltimore Ravens linebacker Brendon Ayanbadejo has spoken out in favor of a Maryland ballot initiative that would legalize gay marriage. Yahoo has published a letter that Maryland state delegate Emmett C. Burns Jr. wrote last week to Ravens owner Steve Bisciotti, urging him to “inhibit such expressions from your employee.” This is Minnesota Vikings punter Chris Kluwe’s response to Burns.

Dear Emmett C. Burns Jr.,

I find it inconceivable that you are an elected official of Maryland’s state government. Your vitriolic hatred and bigotry make me ashamed and disgusted to think that you are in any way responsible for shaping policy at any level. The views you espouse neglect to consider several fundamental key points, which I will outline in great detail (you may want to hire an intern to help you with the longer words):

1. As I suspect you have not read the Constitution, I would like to remind you that the very first, the VERY FIRST Amendment in this founding document deals with the freedom of speech, particularly the abridgment of said freedom. By using your position as an elected official (when referring to your constituents so as to implicitly threaten the Ravens organization) to state that the Ravens should “inhibit such expressions from your employees,” more specifically Brendon Ayanbadejo, not only are you clearly violating the First Amendment, you also come across as a narcissistic fromunda stain. What on earth would possess you to be so mind-boggingly stupid? It baffles me that a man such as yourself, a man who relies on that same First Amendment to pursue your own religious studies without fear of persecution from the state, could somehow justify stifling another person’s right to speech. To call that hypocritical would be to do a disservice to the word. Mindfucking obscenely hypocritical starts to approach it a little bit.

2. “Many of your fans are opposed to such a view and feel it has no place in a sport that is strictly for pride, entertainment, and excitement.” Holy fucking shitballs. Did you seriously just say that, as someone who’s “deeply involved in government task forces on the legacy of slavery in Maryland”? Have you not heard of Kenny Washington? Jackie Robinson? As recently as 1962 the NFL still had segregation, which was only done away with by brave athletes and coaches daring to speak their mind and do the right thing, and you’re going to say that political views have “no place in a sport”? I can’t even begin to fathom the cognitive dissonance that must be coursing through your rapidly addled mind right now; the mental gymnastics your brain has to tortuously contort itself through to make such a preposterous statement are surely worthy of an Olympic gold medal (the Russian judge gives you a 10 for “beautiful oppressionism”).

3. This is more a personal quibble of mine, but why do you hate freedom? Why do you hate the fact that other people want a chance to live their lives and be happy, even though they may believe in something different than you, or act different than you? How does gay marriage, in any way shape or form, affect your life? If gay marriage becomes legal, are you worried that all of a sudden you’ll start thinking about penis? “Oh shit. Gay marriage just passed. Gotta get me some of that hot dong action!” Will all of your friends suddenly turn gay and refuse to come to your Sunday Ticket grill-outs? (Unlikely, since gay people enjoy watching football too.)

I can assure you that gay people getting married will have zero effect on your life. They won’t come into your house and steal your children. They won’t magically turn you into a lustful cockmonster. They won’t even overthrow the government in an orgy of hedonistic debauchery because all of a sudden they have the same legal rights as the other 90 percent of our population—rights like Social Security benefits, child care tax credits, Family and Medical Leave to take care of loved ones, and COBRA healthcare for spouses and children. You know what having these rights will make gays? Full-fledged American citizens just like everyone else, with the freedom to pursue happiness and all that entails. Do the civil-rights struggles of the past 200 years mean absolutely nothing to you?

In closing, I would like to say that I hope this letter, in some small way, causes you to reflect upon the magnitude of the colossal foot in mouth clusterfuck you so brazenly unleashed on a man whose only crime was speaking out for something he believed in. Best of luck in the next election; I’m fairly certain you might need it.

Sincerely,
Chris Kluwe

P.S. I’ve also been vocal as hell about the issue of gay marriage so you can take your “I know of no other NFL player who has done what Mr. Ayanbadejo is doing” and shove it in your close-minded, totally lacking in empathy piehole and choke on it. Asshole.

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Anita Bryant Gets Hit with a Pie


On October 14, 1977, Minneapolis gay rights activist Tom Higgins hit Anita Bryant in the face with a pie durring an anti-gay rally in Des Moines, IA.

Prop 8: The Musical


Written by Marc Shaiman
Directed by Adam Shankman
Starring Margaret Cho, Maya Rudolph, John C. Reilly, Allison Janney, Jack Black, and more.
The video received a Special Recognition Award at the 20th Annual GLAAD Media Awards
December 3, 2008

From the official press release:

For Immediate Release
“PROP 8 – THE MUSICAL”
OPENS TODAY ON FUNNY OR DIE
WRITTEN BY MARC SHAIMAN, DIRECTED BY ADAM SHANKMANFEATURING JACK BLACK, NEIL PATRICK HARRIS, JOHN C. REILLY, ALLISON JANNEY, KATHY NAJIMY, CRAIG ROBINSON, ANDY RICHTER, MAYA RUDOLPH, RASHIDA JONES, LAKE BELL, SARAH CHALKE, MARGARET CHO, JENIFER LEWIS, NICOLE PARKER

Los Angeles — December 3, 2008 — FunnyorDie.com, the funniest place on the web, presents an exclusive new video, “Prop 8 – The Musical.” The video was shot last Monday in Santa Monica, CA, and was conceived and written by five time Oscar nominee Marc Shaiman (“Hairspray,” “South Park-Bigger, Longer & Uncut“) and directed by Adam Shankman (“Bedtime Stories,” “Hairspray”).

“I am grateful for the invitation from Funny or Die to use their website to express myself the way God likes it best: through music, lyrics and humor,” says Marc Shaiman. “Who could have imagined that such a dark moment in California’s history could result in the fantastically fun week making this video. The day of filming was, I think, one of the purest, fun days we have all spent, and if not for the sharp thinking and hysterical leadership of Adam Shankman, it would all still just be in my head — I only wish I’d written it 2 months ago. Damn,” he added.

“After being so angry and confused about this horrible and unconstitutional public shaming, it was amazing to go out there and do what we do best in protest: sing and dance,” says Adam Shankman. “It was the fanciest piece of community theater I’ve ever seen. The whole thing came together in one day. It was beautiful. No lunch breaks or egos. I’m grateful to everyone who participated,” he added.The running time of “Prop 8 – The Musical” is 3 minutes. (A full credit list is below).

At the end of the video, Prop 8 the Musical encourages viewers to visit JoinTheImpact.com, the site responsible for the November 15th National Day of Protest to repeal Proposition 8. JoinTheImpact.com is now working to become a clearinghouse of sorts for grassroots events related to the Gay Rights Movement. When asked about their take on the Prop 8 Musical, JTI co-founder Amy Balliett said “I can’t stop laughing and want to show everyone this great video! I am honored that the creators added the call to action on their video to visit JoinTheImpact.com. This movement is about uniting as one and it has amazd me to see just how united, creative, and inspirational our community and allies can be!”

Funny or Die (www.funnyordie.com) is an award-winning website that has become one of the top destinations for comedy on the web. Over the past three months, the site has averaged over 6 million unique visitors per month, and over 100 million video streams per month. With hundreds of exclusive celebrity videos and a steady stream of huge viral hits, Funny or Die has become the “place to be seen” for comedic celebrities, and the obvious destination for a daily comedy fix. Funny or Die’s founders are Will Ferrell, Adam McKay and Chris Henchy. Judd Apatow is one of the site’s principal partners.